I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
