and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
