I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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