Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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