I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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