Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
