No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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