took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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