Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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