I want to stick my p in your. b.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
