Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
