i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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