so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
