its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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