dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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