Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
