the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
