you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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