they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
