I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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