He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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