When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
