Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
two words: eviction party
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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