wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
