Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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