I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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