I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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