I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
