I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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