the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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