I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
