are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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