Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
