what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you traded sex for a burrito?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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