last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
