We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
