A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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