bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
