i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I think a kid would responsible me up
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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