so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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