Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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