Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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