dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize