Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
