That's when you crack a 10am beer
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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