I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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