Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
