I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
