This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
