How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize