Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize