He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
