i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
