Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
