i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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