The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
how do you play pong handcuffed?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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