Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
