if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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