I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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