I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
