I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We have started to decorate penises.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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