Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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