i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
