so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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