either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
