I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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