Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
