I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize