It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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