put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
