So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Randomize
