i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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