Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
