i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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