you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
