so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
