Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
