Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
