He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
