I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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