Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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